The Freedom to be Vulnerable
"What emotional situation in your children's lives are you tempted to trivialize? If we are responding to them the way God responds to us, how should we answer them?"
"Do you our your child have a "thorn in the flesh" that will probably never be taken away? How have you dealt with this or how will you help your child accept and make the most of them?"
"Take a moment to think about or write down one or two ways you can encourage your children right now as they make their way through the vulnerable time of childhood. As you share these with the group, pray for one another and hold each other accountable to do them."
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Chapter 7 Discussion
The Freedom to be Different
"What are some of the ways that your children are different, quirky, bizarre, or unique? Have you been annoyed or embarrassed by these?"
"Why do you think we have a tendency to attach evil power to different attitudes or actions? How have you observed the Christian community doing this?"
"How can we come alongside other parents who are struggling with their children and be an asset rather than a detractor?"
"The next time your child wants to follow a fad, what are you going to do? A few hints: Is it a biblical or moral issue? Is it a practical or financial issue? Is it a personal issue with you or them?"
"What are some of the ways that your children are different, quirky, bizarre, or unique? Have you been annoyed or embarrassed by these?"
"Why do you think we have a tendency to attach evil power to different attitudes or actions? How have you observed the Christian community doing this?"
"How can we come alongside other parents who are struggling with their children and be an asset rather than a detractor?"
"The next time your child wants to follow a fad, what are you going to do? A few hints: Is it a biblical or moral issue? Is it a practical or financial issue? Is it a personal issue with you or them?"
Chapter 6 Discussion
A Delivery System for Grace
"Why do you think we naturally gravitate toward a checklist, formula-based parenting model? What does this say about our view of God?"
"What do you think scares us about the grace-based model of parenting that focuses on the heart of a child rather than their behavior? What does this say about our view of God?"
"What perceptions or assumptions of yours were challenged in this chapter?"
"Why do you think we naturally gravitate toward a checklist, formula-based parenting model? What does this say about our view of God?"
"What do you think scares us about the grace-based model of parenting that focuses on the heart of a child rather than their behavior? What does this say about our view of God?"
"What perceptions or assumptions of yours were challenged in this chapter?"
Chapter 5 Discussion
Please provide some comments on the thoughts below:
"After reading this chapter, have you become aware of anything you are doing to keep your children helpless by over-protecting them rather than preparing them?"
"What are some natural bents of your children? How are you helping them develop these natural and unique gifts and skills?"
"How are you going to step out in faith and encourage your children to live a spiritual life?"
"After reading this chapter, have you become aware of anything you are doing to keep your children helpless by over-protecting them rather than preparing them?"
"What are some natural bents of your children? How are you helping them develop these natural and unique gifts and skills?"
"How are you going to step out in faith and encourage your children to live a spiritual life?"
Chapter 4 Discussion
All,
We are going to change the format a little bit to try and encourage more discussion on the book! For the next chapters I am going to post some questions and thoughts to respond to.
"How are you modeling to your children the importance of helping others develop to their full potential?" How are you trying to help develop your child's full potential?"
"How do you give out legitimate praise to your child?"
"How are you administering discipline and consequences gracefully?"
We are going to change the format a little bit to try and encourage more discussion on the book! For the next chapters I am going to post some questions and thoughts to respond to.
"How are you modeling to your children the importance of helping others develop to their full potential?" How are you trying to help develop your child's full potential?"
"How do you give out legitimate praise to your child?"
"How are you administering discipline and consequences gracefully?"
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Chapter 3 Discussion: A Secure Love
This chapter begins with a discussion of Camelot and the story of King Arthur, Lady Guinevere, and Lancelot. It discusses the unfaithfulness of Lady Guinevere to Arthur, and the dilemma that it placed King Arthur in. He had to punish Guinevere for what she had done, and the punishment was death. However, his love for her, despite her unfaithfulness, caused him to want to grant her mercy. He could not do so, and risk looking weak in front of his people, so he hung his hopes on Lancelot rushing in to save her. Lancelot did, and Arthur was spared putting her to death. This is comparable to what God has done for us as sinners, except one important component was missing. There was never any justice for what Guinevere had done. With God's grace and mercy upon us, justice was paid through the death of His Son Jesus, and His love for us was shown.
A secure love is defined as a steady and sure love that is written on the hard drive of our children's souls. It's a complete love that they default to when their hearts are under attack. It's the kind of love that children can confidently carry with them into the future.
There are some reasons why children move into adulthood without a secure love. First, love can be incomplete because children feel they constantly have to compete for it. Second, love can be incomplete because our children feel like they have to earn it.
Kimmel defines love as the "commitment of my will to your needs and best interests regardless of the cost". The first part, "Love is the commitment of my will.." It is this part that may require a parent to be courageous, say no to one's fears, and place your feelings in check. The second part "to your needs and best interests.." is not about my needs and best interests. It is not in our children's best interests to give them everything they want. The third part "regardless of the cost" means that we may have to delay things in our own life, career opportunities, material possessions to love our children as they need it.
How do we make our children feel loved securely? First, Children know they are loved when they feel that they are accepted as they are. Children know they are loved securely when they are affiliated with a loving and honoring family. Lastly, Children feel they are loved securely when they receive regular and generous helpings of affection.
Thoughts to ponder...
"What would your children asy they are competing against for your love and attention?"
"What part of Tim's definition of love is the hardest for you to carry out, and why?"
-Love is the commitment of my will
-to your needs and best interests
-regardless of the cost
A secure love is defined as a steady and sure love that is written on the hard drive of our children's souls. It's a complete love that they default to when their hearts are under attack. It's the kind of love that children can confidently carry with them into the future.
There are some reasons why children move into adulthood without a secure love. First, love can be incomplete because children feel they constantly have to compete for it. Second, love can be incomplete because our children feel like they have to earn it.
Kimmel defines love as the "commitment of my will to your needs and best interests regardless of the cost". The first part, "Love is the commitment of my will.." It is this part that may require a parent to be courageous, say no to one's fears, and place your feelings in check. The second part "to your needs and best interests.." is not about my needs and best interests. It is not in our children's best interests to give them everything they want. The third part "regardless of the cost" means that we may have to delay things in our own life, career opportunities, material possessions to love our children as they need it.
How do we make our children feel loved securely? First, Children know they are loved when they feel that they are accepted as they are. Children know they are loved securely when they are affiliated with a loving and honoring family. Lastly, Children feel they are loved securely when they receive regular and generous helpings of affection.
Thoughts to ponder...
"What would your children asy they are competing against for your love and attention?"
"What part of Tim's definition of love is the hardest for you to carry out, and why?"
-Love is the commitment of my will
-to your needs and best interests
-regardless of the cost
Chapter 2 Discussion
The second chapter begins with a discussion of what God's grace truly is. First of all, Kimmel states that it is grace alone that separates Christianity from every other religion in the world. "God's grace has the power to transform the most hardened, indifferent soul into a person spilling over with kindness. If God our heavenly Father is the perfect Father, and the primary way that He deals with us as humans is through the power of His grace, it stands to reason that grace forms the best template for bringing out the best in our own children." (p.28) It is grace that should affect how you develop your children's goals, how you handle discipline, how you process their fears, how you deal with their quirks and idiosyncrasies, and how you respond to their fads.
There are opposing points of view on parenting with grace in Christian families. Some view parenting with grace as to go soft on moral standards, and that parents who use it make it an excuse to go soft on enforcing rules. On the other extreme are families that view grace as a "get out of responsibility free" card. Kimmel says that both are wrong. A family without clearly defined rules and standards could never be a grace-based family, because it is too much of a nightmare to live in. On the other hand, it is the lack grace in well-behaved homes that turns children's hearts away from God when they are finally too big to intimidate and too old to control. There is an inseparable nature of grace and truth.
Thoughts to ponder...
"Did your upbringing tend to lean toward legalism or license? How does that affect your parenting?"
"How are you personally letting your light shine before your children so that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven?"
There are opposing points of view on parenting with grace in Christian families. Some view parenting with grace as to go soft on moral standards, and that parents who use it make it an excuse to go soft on enforcing rules. On the other extreme are families that view grace as a "get out of responsibility free" card. Kimmel says that both are wrong. A family without clearly defined rules and standards could never be a grace-based family, because it is too much of a nightmare to live in. On the other hand, it is the lack grace in well-behaved homes that turns children's hearts away from God when they are finally too big to intimidate and too old to control. There is an inseparable nature of grace and truth.
Thoughts to ponder...
"Did your upbringing tend to lean toward legalism or license? How does that affect your parenting?"
"How are you personally letting your light shine before your children so that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven?"
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